What NOT to put on your resume

I think I may make this a weekly feature. I am sometimes (often?) amazed at what people put on their resumes.

Let's review for a moment, resume writing basics. Your resume is a sales tool. It is meant to generate interest in you as a potential employee. If I am reading your resume I should think "hmmm, Joe has all the skills I am looking for. In addition, his resume is well written, its easy to read, and I would like to learn more about his past projects. I think I will call Joe or send him an email to schedule a time for us to chat."

I would like to present an example of something I read on a resume today. I am not posting this to embarass anyone, and I desperately hope this resume author is not a reader! I truly think that sometimes we put things in writing that sounded cute in our head, but can be off-putting to the reader. Here is the example. At the end of the description of their current job, this person added the following paragraph:

I have been here over two years. I only need another month or so to make this my second longest job. The work is good, the boss likes what I do and I am making an impact with my peers and junior colleagues. But there are issues afoot that suggest it may soon be time to move on. Aren't there always?

When I read this, two thoughts immediately come to mind. First, if two years is your longest job stint, why? Are you someone who is never happy with your employment? Are you usually fired after a year or so? And why would you call attention to this fact? Second, the "issues afoot" comment sounds a little scary. No, there aren't always issues afoot. Or at least, there shouldn't be. If there are always issues afoot, perhaps it's something personal.

Think in terms of the employers viewpoint: why would I spend time, energy, and a lot of money to bring someone on board that won't stay for two years and sounds like he always has issues?

More reading:

• Job Search Sites
• Cover Letters
• Guide for New Grads